I was born in 1976 in a small city called Chichicastenango in Guatemala. At that time, Guatemala was still dealing with a civil war that I lived through but I had no idea how it was affecting me as a child. I played like a child. I went to school, hung out with my friends, enjoyed my family, and lived a normal life. While living my life, it was a normal experience to see the outcomes of war. Walking home from school, I could see dead bodies lying in the streets, hear the sounds of gunshots at night, and helicopters flying in the mountains near my town. I still remember men going out to patrol the streets at night while I wondered if they would return home. It was common for men to not return to their families with no explanation. 

 

Guatemala’s 30-year civil war did not end until 1996. By then, I was attending college. I graduated, met my wife Amy, and moved to the United States where we lived for 17 years. We have three beautiful children, and have spent our years serving the Lord through ministry at church and raising our family. I had no clue about issues such as depression, anxiety or mental health illnesses. In 2019, I had a mental breakdown. I started to experience panic attacks and severe anxiety attacks that caused me to be admitted to the hospital. Even after leaving the hospital, I was self-bound to my bedroom and had to have the lights on at all times.

 

Thank God I had the opportunity to receive medication and professional mental health counseling that helped me survive this traumatic time. I was diagnosed with delayed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that was triggered by stressors I was enduring at the time. Delayed PTSD is a common diagnosis for children and adults who have experienced war where the impact becomes evident later in life.

 

During my extensive counseling sessions, I learned about depression and anxiety and realized that my breakdown in 2019 had roots to my childhood. I had experienced minor levels of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks throughout my entire life, but I did not know it and talking about problems was not practiced in my family and culture. I had many fears as a child who grew up in war times. I was afraid my dad or one of my brothers would not come home one day. The ambulances and sirens that regularly traveled the streets frightened me as I had no idea what emergency they were going to service and if their destination was safe. I grew up being afraid of so many things that were beyond my control, but since that was normal for me and the rest of the people in my entire country, I thought I was fine. 

 

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